Read it and weep.

(Image via NASDAQ)

OFFICIAL PRESS RELEASE - NEW YORK (Nov. 7) - U.S. Snowboarding’s Olympic gold medalist Seth Wescott (Sugarloaf, ME) along with U.S. Ski Team’s Paralympic alpine racer Ralph Green (Brooklyn, NY) and freestyle skiing World Cup winner Shelly Robertson (Reno, NV) helped NASDAQ ring the closing bell signifying the end of the trading day Thursday.

Prior to pressing the button that rings the bell, Wescott addressed the NASDAQ crowd on behalf of U.S. Snowboarding and the U.S. Ski Team giving an overview of the Olympic dream and how corporate America, including several companies that are traded at NASDAQ help support the Team.

“What most people don’t know is that we would not be able to do that without the support of companies such as Charles Schwab, Yahoo!, X Box and Sorel. They are all companies that are a part of the NASDAQ and they fund us,” he added. “It is so key for us to have the help of the companies that are a part of the NASDAQ world.” (full release at TWBiz)

This publicity stunt brings light to a sensitive truth about snowboarding: snowboarders are made of money. Before you cry libel, consider this: would NASDAQ officials seriously invite a bunch of bums to invigorate markets and encourage stock holders? Hardly. Snowboarders these days are much like rappers: they talk about being of the streets/mountains, but the walk that they walk is really a drive in a sports car purchased with paychecks from multi-national corporations. The whole “snow bum” lifestyle is a sham. We can guarantee that anyone you see out on the hill isn’t struggling to put food on the table, and most likely enjoys a healthy allowance from their parents. It’s time to fess up: snowboarders are corporate slaves and we are damn proud of it. That is why agoodreed is opening up sticker space on our topsheet for the price of $10,000 per square inch. We are particularly interested in an arrangement with kitchen appliance and tire manufacturers.