AGoodReed / Enjoy it!

Unfortunately, our aspirations of competing in the Olympics were thwarted once again. It looks like we will have to wait a while longer to take our place as the world’s greatest athlete in whatever-sport-we-finally-decide-to-do.

Seeing as we have been skateboarding a bit, we were planning on doing skateboarding. But skateboarding wasn’t one of the events! Our buddy Ryan Lochte wasn’t even allowed to take his skateboard over to China!

Oh well, we will just stick to our training schedule and Olympic diet. For our diet, we just looked at what golden boy Michael Phelps was doing, and took it to the next level.



Our secret: put frosting on everything. We are really pleased with the results. Here’s a sneak peak of our routine…



Another thing we are hoping to have resolved is the ridiculous listing of deer penis as one of the banned substances. Come on guys, it’s basically a vitamin.

In contrast to the consensus of the scientific community, there is new evidence that climate change is a hoax created by granola-munching-treehuggers, Al Gore is a phony, and it is okay to kill animals.

-The Seattle Times reports: “Despite previous studies suggesting a warmer climate is already taking a bite out of Washington’s snowpack, there’s no clear evidence that human-induced climate change has caused a drop in 20th century snow levels, according to a new study by University of Washington scientists.” (via Seattle Times

This is great news for us because while everybody has been going green, we have been going black. We bought this for real cheap, and now everybody is going to want one…stack paper. Suckers.

We should have known…

The reason we were having such a difficult time tracking down agr Field Correspondent “Dr. Gillis” is because he was undercover!

We found Doc in the most unlikely of locales. But that’s what it takes to bring you fair and accurate news that agr is known for.

Though he isn’t snowboarding in South America, this is just as good. The Doc, aka “Cee“, is one of the cast of MTV’s reality TV series, “From G’s to Gents.”



Good work amigo. Your theme song is solid.

A first in agr history, we are speechless…

Aha!  Another clue as to the whereabouts of our correspondents abroad.  This clue comes to us from an article in Newsweek…

The article investigates the growing “pokemones” group of Chile. The group is made up of technology savvy, fashionable, materialistic Chilean teens with a penchant for tight pants, Japanese anime shirts, piercings, and the Internet. Kids will be kids right? Indeed they will, and these kids, or “pokemones”, like to be kids by having in orgies in public parks.

(image via Las Ultimas Noticias)

“The teens call their public orgies ponceo. On a typical Friday afternoon in the Chilean capital of Santiago, hundreds gather in a leafy urban park for a few hours of sexual experimentation. Surrounded by passing strollers, they trade partners multiple times—mostly engaging in anonymous rounds of oral sex. When the party is over, no contact information is exchanged. Same-gender interactions are commonplace, as the lines between hetero- and homosexuality are blurred, partly by the alcohol and drugs consumed, but also by shifting social mores held by Chilean youth, in contrast to their conservative parents.” (via Newsweek)

Now, besides the obvious, why is this of interest to us? Because you can be damn sure that if kids are getting wild in the bushes and there are trading cards involved our boys will be there.

We have been getting pretty antsy up here at agr HQ.  You may recall that we dispatched field reporters to cover the haps that happen in the Andean winter. Well, we haven’t heard from our esteemed correspondents right smart spell*, and have been fearing the worst. We’ve had some leads, but the trails have all gone cold:

Craig (left) and Barry (right), at a Peruvian Guinea Pig Festival. (image via Telegraph UK)

We will keep you posted with all new sightings…

Grenade recently announced the addition of Matt “The Law” Lindland to their team of combatants. Like Mr. Kass, Lindland is an Olympic medalist, and Grenade is excited to have Lindland “pushing the boundaries of the sport to unheard lengths.”(via Grenade)

Indeed, Lindland is pushing the boundaries of the sport. Lindland is so progressive that he doesn’t even snowboard, he just beats the crap out of people.



Lindland, frontside handplant on some doods face. (image via sherdog.com)

Lindland had his first fight as a Grenadier this past weekend, here is a video of the action. Note the Grenade shorts, and the Grenade gear in the post fight interview as well.



Is any of this relevant? No.

But is this a new opportunity to poke fun at stupid shit that arises in the “action sports” lifestyle? Oh yea.

This just in:

Shaun Palmer is still extreme.



“SOUTH LAKE TAHOE, Calif.—Professional snowboarder Shaun Palmer was among four people arrested in connection with a Fourth of July fight on a Lake Tahoe beach, authorities said.

Palmer, 39, reportedly tried to break up a fight between two men on Baldwin Beach near South Lake Tahoe, but was arrested on suspicion of public intoxication, said El Dorado County sheriff’s Lt. Les Lovell. ” (via Tahoe Daily Tribune)

Let this remind all ‘goodreeders to watch out for fellas that poops on a wood-burning stove while clutching a Red Bull in one hand and a Budweiser in the other.

Shaun Palmer, no hands, and he still takes care of business.

First off: Comcast, you bastards, turn our internet on.

We hope you all enjoyed your Independence Day. We sure did. We spilled lots of mustard on our shirt (plural?) and threw bottle rockets at squirrels. American as hell.

What did you do?

The 4th is especially significant for the “action sports” community. Just like our founding fathers, “action sporters” are radical dudes. How extreme was it to rebel against the British? Way extreme bro.

And just like our boys and girls fighting the good fight overseas, snowboarders fight terrorists too.

Radical Dude Danny Kass along with fellow X-Gamers Nate Holland and Grete Eliassen recently “dropped in” alongside troops in Afghanistan. (via Firsttracksonline.com)

Their mission was to experience another way of living on the edge and increase the stokage of servicemen and women in Bagram.

After firing a couple of rounds at the shooting range, Holland remarked: “These weapons are awesome! What you do is awesome!” It sure is Nate, except for the getting shot at part.

Danny Kass then cracked an ollie, Bagram-style, for America.

(photo: U.S. Army Pvt. Tamara Gabbard)

America: hell yea.

Today is Canada Day, the day that Canada was discovered by a family of beavers. And we sure are glad that they did. Canada is “man country”. Everything is bigger, wilder, drunker, and probably has sharp teeth. Man, if they could bottle and sell “Canadian”, we would be set.

But until they do, we will have to settle for help from the Snowboard Academy on how to become an “unstoppable” freestyle Canadian machine.

-Snowboard Academy is the service of Matt Belair: self-proclaimed top Canadian freestyle snowboard coach and master of “almost all those tricks you see in videos”.

Mr. Belair wants to share the one secret that all pro snowboarders have in common, for the low, low price of $67! The package includes: learn to snowboard in one day; how to jump; how to jib; how to ride transitions, and a super sweet bonus pack including how to get sponsored and the one-minute snowboard miracle.

No joke folks, this is the real deal. Matt also claims to be a hypnotist and a “Law of Attraction” trainer, you should have fun no matter what. Here’s a sneak peek: how to do a backside lipslide with Matt.

We journeyed up to Canada to test out his service for you, but on the way we had a little too much to drink and wandered off into the woods on a vision quest.





Get out there folks.