The only thing better than snowboarding is going to snowboard premieres and looking at professional snowboarders. It is difficult to describe the sensation of watching a video of someone else having fun in the snow, and knowing that the fun-having rider is a mere 10 meters away at the bar. To ensure that you get the most out of these premieres, we recommend you heed our guide…

The most important part of the premiere occurs before you arrive at the venue. You need the right “kit.” There are several options that are appropriate for the occasion.

-Snow bro: Adorn a fitted baseball cap that bears a large snowboard corporation logo. Make sure that it is not an “indie” or lesser-well-known company. Good options are DC, Forum, and Burton. If possible, match the logo of your cap to your footwear, which should be pristine skate/BMX shoes. Make sure that the brand of the shoes is visible. Pants should be jeans of the pre-worn style. Torso should be covered by a tight-fitting T-shirt also of a well known snowboard company. Sleeves should only cover 1/3 of upper arm. One–if possible, two–hands should be clutching a Bud Light. Facial hair groomed to a goatee is a plus.

-Gypsy: Ever done acid? That is your inspiration. Headdress, dream-catchers, scarves, jewelry: go all out on this one. Just head over to your grandmother’s house and root through her closet. Mix and match until you look like some sort of Native American pirate. Throw some grease in your hair and use a sweaty gym sock as a headband to get that “I-haven’t-bathed-in-a-month-because-I-have-been-partying-constantly” musk. Learn to roll your own cigarettes and hydrate with PBR.

-Alternative: If you aren’t down with one of the aforementioned styles, why the hell are you going to a premiere? There will not be any babes, no one has any money for drinks and the only topic of conversation will be how over premieres everyone is.