While we try to refrain from including our personal affairs on this website, we are getting desperate and could really use some help from our reeders.

Since we have yet to sign with an outerwear sponsor, we have been stuck with the same pair of snow pants for quite a while. We have put these pants through some serious shit, including that one time we were kind of sick at Alpental and literally shit in our pants. On top of that, we have developed an addiction to Squeez Bacon, which is now smeared all over our pants.

We have yet to meet a lady who agrees

Our pants now smell so offensive that they must remain in open air at all times by mandate of the Department of Health.

After riding yesterday, we left them out on the front porch so that we could sleep. When we went to collect the pants in the morning, we noticed the pants had been brought to the ground and it appeared as if something was inside of them.

Peering inside the pants, we vomited at the sight of a dead raccoon nestled in our rancid trousers. We can only deduce that the poor critter was lured by the foul stench, but was overwhelmed by the putrid odor.

R.I.P.

Please help us goodreeders, our pants are killing neighborhood animals.